Islam is undoubtedly a religion based on nature. It recognizes every legitimate human need and acknowledges it. Islam realizes the requirement to get shelter, food and clothes; and thus permits Muslims to work hard for their earnings. In the same way, our religion identifies the human need to get married and have a family; therefore Islam permits rather orders Muslims to get married. Marriage is indeed an essential social institution as it lays down the basis of a healthy and constructive community.
But is it allowed for Muslims to choose their life partner on their own? Are they permitted to love someone and afterwards get married to him? This is indeed a tricky question, as well as, one of the most frequently asked questions by Muslim youth.
First of all, we must realize that in Islam, there are certain boundaries that curtail needless communication between males and females. Allah addresses the Mothers of Muslims (Wives of Holy Prophet PBUH) in Al-Ahzaab:
“O wives of the Prophet, you are not like anyone among women. If you fear Allah, then do not be soft in speech [to men], lest he in whose heart is disease should covet, but speak with appropriate speech.”
This is just not an exclusive order for Mothers of Muslims, but it is a guiding principle of ethics and morality for all Muslim women.
Allah orders Muslim men and women to “lower their gaze” in order to promote chastity in the society. The same way, Allah has ordered Muslim Women to cover themselves when they go out. Allah orders in Quran:
“O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) over their bodies (when outdoors). That is most convenient that they should be known and not molested.”
Think for a while: If we were truly acting upon these principles of Allah, was there any chance for men and women to intermingle and hence, like each other? The kind of love marriage, which is a norm these days, is based on meetings, parties, exchange of messages, social media, and phone calls. Such a relationship before marriage is, by no means, permissible in Islam.
Islam provides both men and women with the right to show their consent for marrying someone. It certainly does not imply Allah’s permission to court and date a girl.
However, we have to look at our society and the era we are going through. Co-education right from the beginning of one’s schooling till university level, mixed functions, free correspondence with each other, the concept of “being friends”, no concept of hijab in the majority of population, and availability of phones and personal computers has entirely altered the morals and ethics of Muslim society. We can clearly see a huge and deep impact of western media on their lives; following metal singers and rappers, getting inspired by actors, and idealizing teenaged musicians are few prevalent traits.
Keeping the above said things in our minds, we can very well understand that it won’t be surprising to find out such young Muslims falling in love with each other. Here, I would assert that parents have a huge role in shaping up what comes next.
Respected Parents: If your kids like each other and want to get married, kindly do not overreact. Do not tell them that they need to get a degree yet and have to stabilize their lives first. Please get your concepts straight and go through Allah’s rules regarding marriage once again. He has ordered His followers to get their children married as soon as they become adults. Be thankful to Allah that your kids are not getting involved in illegitimate relationships and have rather come to you for help. Best way to handle the matter is to get them married to each other. Anyhow, this does not mean that you have to get them married even if you find flaws in their choice, or the reason of their choice. You have all the authority of parenthood to exercise.
Though there is no concept in Islam for such a love marriage because Allah has strict rules of Hijab and segregated get-togethers. However, in today’s era parents must listen to their kids’ need of getting married to the person of their choice; but only after ample scrutiny.
In the end, I would like to suggest something to parents. When Allah has told us that girls/boys are perfectly ready to get married; it means that they actually are! They might still be kids in your eyes; you might feel they act childish usually; but do not forget that Allah knows better than you do. Puberty brings all the natural needs and drives along which, when there is no legal way, forces young kids to involve in illicit relationships and unethical acts.
Therefore, kindly think what you are doing to your kids for not getting them married at the age Allah has prescribed for them. When you’ll get them married at that age, there will be no room for any illegal/Haram act. Please, protect yourselves and your kids from the vices that are the outcome of late marriages.
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