Is an Arranged Marriage a Forced Marriage?

Marriage is a way of creating a relationship between two individuals and making a bond of love between them. Every religion has its own concept of Marriage. In Islam, arranged marriages are preferred as compared to love marriages. This does not mean that Islam has some restrictions on Love marriages. Islam allows love marriages but with the exception that both families of the man and woman should accept their love. An arranged marriage is a different form of marriage in which the family takes the lead for selecting the girl of their own choice. Muslims do not “date” as compared to the western culture. Man and woman are tied in a relationship according to the Islamic way of marriage which is called “Nikah”.

Couples in arrange marriages come together through their families or community. It does not only create a relationship between two individuals, but it is the source of creating a strong bond of love between two families.

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ARRANGE MARRIAGE AND FORCED MARRIAGE:

Some people think that an arranged marriage is a forced marriage. A man or a woman is forced by their families to marry the one of their family’s choice. Forced marriages occur when a man or a woman is pressured by a family to marry, using threats, blackmails, fraud and even bribes. Some of the parents use the tactics by not speaking to their son/daughter and accepting the proposals on their own without asking their children. Some parents convince them emotionally or sometimes forcefully which is strictly prohibited in Islam. It is the right of every individual to make his own decision when it comes to marriage. If they are not ready, then their parents should not force them. In some families, if children do not accept the proposal so the parents think their children are disobeying them. It’s true that only parents can make the best decision of our lives and they want their children to be happy, but if a man or woman wants to marry someone of his/her own choice then parents should support them.

In many families, it is a culture that parents do commitments to their relatives and then those relatives pressurize them now and then by threatening to cut off family ties. Parents should realize that by keeping their kinship intact, they are destroying their own children.

If your parents had selected someone for you, then you should first visit that person and have a small conversation before making any decision. An arranged marriage does not mean that you are forced to marry the person your parents had selected. If you do not like the person, then talk to your parents. If parents are forcing you, then you should politely show some relevant Ayah of Quran and refer the Sunnah that Islam does not accept forced marriages.

Khansa Bint Khidam said “My father made me marry his nephew, and I did not like this and I complained to Prophet Mohamed (PBUH). He replied “accept what your father has arranged.” I replied back “I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.” He said “then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.” I said “I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I just wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters. (Fathul Bari Sharah Al Bukhari 9/194)

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