Allah has created men and women to love, care and protect each other. They are both the best companions if they have strong mutual understanding and love, but the same relation becomes the most pathetic and miserable one, if there is no harmony, respect and love between them. It is almost impossible for both to better understand what they are and their responsibilities, why they came and what they are supposed to do until they bound in a relation. Therefore, marriage is a relation formed by almighty Allah. When a couple gets married, it can be better to understand the responsibilities and duties of men and women for each other, their family and for their society.
Unfortunately, the most critical issue nowadays rising in couples is lack of trust, care, love and harmony. Nothing in this world happens without any reason. What are the reasons behind the disharmony and misunderstanding between a husband and his wife? Why are they unable to understand each other? Why don’t they both compromise? What says Islam in this regard?
All these questions come to our minds whenever we focus on such situations. According to Islam, marriage is a relation that protects both men and women from sins and protect each others. Man loves his woman and this love and affection are the strength of the relation. Where nowadays we see most of the couples are getting married, but after few months, they start fighting and blaming each other and this fight ends by the divorce. While in some cases, man does not divorce his wife, but starts beating and abusing her. He keeps torturing her mentally, physically, and emotionally.
If we criticize this issue, we may come to the solution that today men and women are unable to understand their responsibility. They lost the actual spirit of this holy relation, and they face hardships in creating harmony among them. Man beats his wife, people point out the act of man, but do not ask a woman why her husband beats. It encourages women to become more independent while in Islam, women are not independent; they are dependent on their husbands.
On the other side, in some cases, society promotes the man to torture his wife for several reasons. Most highlighting issue is the use of drugs, (alcohol, marijuana, etc), another reason is illegal relations with other women. Several other factors are involved and to stop this issue, first of all man and woman have to understand their responsibility.
Responsibility of woman and man:
Well, there are several reasons behind this critical issue. Let’s take few examples from Islamic teachings and values we should follow:
1. First of all, woman is bound to respect and obey her husband.
2. It is a modesty of man to respect, protect and love his wife.
3. Woman is not allowed to go anywhere or meet anyone without the permission of her man, and you will see most of the women go out in the absence of their husband and meet with people he even don’t want her to see.
4. Man should limit his love, sexual desire and gaze to his woman only.
5. Woman should not interact with people her husband don’t like.
While we see, nowadays, women and men do not care about these small but most critical points.
1. Women do not respect their husband.
2. Men consider women as their slaves.
3. Wife will invite his friends and other relatives even when the husband does not like them.
4. Husband has relations with other women that the wife does not tolerate.
5. Today’s women think they are independent, the western trends and culture has taught the Muslim women by demonstrating that they can live independently, women are free, and they have equal rights, etc.
6. Our Islam tells women to live under the command of men. They should obey their husbands else they will face penalties.
In Hadith Hazrat Muhammad (PBUH) Says: “You have a right in the matter of your wives that they do not allow anyone whom you do not like to come into your houses; if they do this, chastise them in such a manner that it should not leave an impression”. [Hadith, Tirmidhi (821-894)].
For Muslim women I will say that they should know that they are Muslims, therefore they should only follow what Islam and Quran say not what they see in their society. We only stay sure about our Hereafter (Akhirat), if we follow our teachings properly.
I would prefer to mention Ayat from Quran: “And amid His signs is this, He formed for you companions from amongst yourselves, that you may stay in harmony with them, and He has put love and kindness between your hearts. Undeniably in these are secret codes for those who reflect.” [30:21]
I would say men should love their wives because Allah has created the marriage relation for this purpose, not to disrespect, hate or torture them mentally, physically, or emotionally without any reason. However, we cannot only blame women and should not put all the blame only on men for this disrespect in relation. It is a common saying “it takes two hands to clap”.
It is the major responsibility of both the man and woman to respect each other. If they have any objection or insecurity, it is the responsibility of the other one to try to overcome this issue. Everyone should point out his/her own faults before pointing out on others.
Islam is a modest religion that teaches everyone to first focus on one’s own responsibility and duties towards family, companions, society and relatives, not to first start pointing out the other’s mistakes. It will create hatred and disharmony in the society. Same is the matter with relation of men and women. The purpose of marriage is not to beat and hate women, but to protect and love them with care and fulfill their needs as much as men can afford. On the other side, women should take care of their husbands, respect them, and love them. Women shouldn’t bother for things their husbands cannot afford or like to have.
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